So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
