So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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