Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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