i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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