yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
