I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
operation have a gay friend backfired
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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