Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
