She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
