i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
even my farts smell like vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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