I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
