VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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