I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
