look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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