my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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