Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
