What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
