I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
