So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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