Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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