Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
