Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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