I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
