have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
