meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
