The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
