My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
