when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
