apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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