new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
