We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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