so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
