You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
