are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
