She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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