every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
