I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
