I feel great
I just peed on a car
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
