I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You can't special order awesome
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
