I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
