Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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