it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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