You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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