On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
