i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
