Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
