Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
