I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we should paint friendship bongs
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