He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
