had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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