Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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