This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
