We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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