You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
