can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
how drunk are you?
Several
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
