I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
