What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He? As in you personified your dick?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
