i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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