If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
