I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
