Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
