We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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