I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
