i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
