dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
